mash in the wind

snake/spider/mouse

finished song

Not going to be afraid of the mirror

         So I have had a really hard time with body image. I have never really liked what I see in the mirror. This has been a struggle, I would say my whole life. I was skinny as a child, all they way through high School, up till collage. I gained weight fast. it was like a switch. My PCOS took over my life but back then I had no idea what it was I thought it was college 15. If your unformillier with the college 15 its when freshmen gain 15 pounds the first year due to stress. Well I never stopped gaining. Going from 120  to 190 in the span of 4 years. none of this helped my self esteem. Getting the news and learning about pcos I have found it even harder for me and my self esteem. I don't like what I see in the mirror, so I gave up. Going as far to avoid even looking at a mirror. Picking cloths that where comfortable over flattering. WELL ENOUGH, I FROM THIS MOMENT WILL TRY AND BE THE BEST ME I CAN POSSIBLE BE.  No more leaving the house with out thinking about what I have on and what I look like. Make up, cloths, hair the whole nine. This is my revelation of the week on top of my weight loss which I have not been doing my best. Back at it, no more slacking.

New me New look.

My blog will be going through a face lift. There some things that will be deleted and things that will be moved. I'm getting back on my weight loss journey starting tomorrow. This week will test my mind and my body. I have one month to lose 20 pounds. That's my goal, and I intend to stick to it. I am also changing my looks up a little. Their is  a poll on the side to get your opinion. I'm thinking of getting a perm, big wavy curls, or cutting it supper short. I need a change after my break up, I feel like i need to renovate myself. I would love to hear from some of you on your thoughts so leave a comment or two.

follow me on flicker

Come check me out on flicker

music Sharing

This is for my class and the difference on sharing. There sizes and there differences.

AAC 96 kbits its a better way of sharing more compressed and not so choppy.
MP3 128 kbits this is the most common share type.
AIFF 16 bits the biggest file size and its the apple version of sharing.

 The only real difference i heard was in the volume. AIFFs are much louder then MP3s. I really didn't hear any other difference. If i were to rip all my music i would rip them all as AAC. better quality but they take up a little more space.

This weekend

This weekend is a lot like last weekend, to busy for me to cetch my breath. I have homework estate sale overan cancer walk and a date night with my best friend. Oh and can't forget about church on sunday. Up and todays only friday 3 days of packedness that's a word just made it up.

The Kids

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Created with flickr slideshow.

6 MILES

Yup 6 miles is what I road on my bike today. My dad and I that is. It felt amazing to feel my body do what I want it to do. I feel more enpowered every time I make the right choices, on food and exercise. Tring realy hard to stay between 1200 and 1500 calores a day. Plus working out atlest 3 times a week. I can't belive the diffrence from two months ago till today. My modivation is higher my selfesteem is higher and I feel so much better. With pcos my life is not over it just has to be modified working out is the best thing any one can do with pcos. I may not see the scale drop numbers but nothing can compare to the way I feel.

Last one

4 of 5

Befor and after

 

3 of 5 art project

This all three of my god childrens hands.

 

My Art Project 2 of 5

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These are my Beautiful God Children.

I may not ever be able to have children of my own so i borrow My sisters.

Homework project

These are my two beautiful god children taking a walk

This is actuly my god sons hands

And this is my homework project 1 of 5

Not working out today

Today is my day off from the work out. Had a great day shooting with my family. Oh yeah I lost a pound let's see if I can keep it off.
     Side note tonight I am having a very emotional roller coaster for no reason.

My day

Here is the the thing, I am not, nor have I ever been a good speller. So I do apologize a head of time. Today was a great day to start with. Woke up late, helped my step dad clean out his parents house( more on that later) My god children's birthday party was amazingly fun, and a good two mile walk. The part of my day that was not so great was the conversation I had with my ex Boyfriend while I was walking. Back ground story, my ex and I are way better friends then we where ever together. So I know this Kids like life story, and I'm not going to lie I still has feelings for him but, I know that we are way better off friends. We talk more now then we ever did when we where together it just seems to work. I moved in way to fast, after just 2 months of being  together. The relationship only lasted 6 months and fell apart due to trust issues that he had. I am a very trust worthy person so it was hard for me to understand why he didnt trust me. He had had some bad prevous relationships all ending in cheating. The thing that up set me tonight was he told me that his talking to another girl. OK I get it we're not together,but I am a girl and I did get a little jealous. He got upset because i told him how i felt, that i was a little jealous im not going to lie. But I feel like i should tell him that i dont think this is a good idea that he needs to work on his trust issue. and a little peice of me wants him all to my self still.  I have been the one that stuck by him after we broke up  and got him through his trust issues and child support shit. Why does some other girl get to rep the rewards. I know I'm not perfect but, shit I deserve a good man and he is a good man when he gets his head out of his ass. But may be his not and I need to expect his not the one?

Little bit about me and my struggle with pcos

Let me start by saying I have never done a blog before. So my blog is a combination of two things. First its about my newly diagnosed Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome and second my crazy ass life. It should really be titled my 50 shades of fucked up and PCOS is taking over my life, but that wouldn't fit. Here is a brief history about me. I am 24 with a birthday that's fast approaching (more on why that's important later) Going to school at the University of Toledo. This blog is an assignment. I am currently unemployed, going to school and on the side I take care of my 3 god children. I was diagnosed with PCOS about a year ago. The crazy thing is I didn't take it serious until recently. I put it off like it would magically disappear. But my symptoms got worse, the hairs kept growing in places it shouldn't, my middle got rounder and one day I looked at a picture of me that someone had taken. I didn't even recognize myself. This face I was staring at wasn't mine, couldn't be,there is no way I let myself go like that. (Posting pictures later). As I stared at this picture it accured to me that not only did I not recognize this person at some point I stopped loving this person. I was in such a depression. I didn't know where to start, I had to get out of this funk. Find myself again and better my life. It took me awhile to come around but now I am a woman with a plan. My birthday is in less than 3 months, with in this time I am striving to have lost 30 pounds or more. I lost 10 pounds last month so for. I know am on the right track. With a little more work and allot of sweat I will get there. I hope my blog helps you get inspired . This is my life, my struggles and what I hope are my victory of a happier&skinner me.